i have built up this reputation for being laid back about a lot of things. i don’t get easily angered at people, especially my friends. i feel like you have to do something signifigant to really piss me off.
i guess in this case it’s been building up. and i feel like this is a case of someone taking advantage of my whole relaxed attitude. so i’ve come to this space between a rock and a hard place. if i say something to express my anger, i feel like it will be taken the wrong way. i feel like it will be thrown in my face that i’m the one who has always said “i don’t care” “whatever” and now suddenly, i care, and i’m pissed? is that wrong? or is it wrong that you’re stepping all over me and being ridiculously inconsiderate of my space? i don’t know the answer. if i confront the situation it might lead to the biggest argument of the year. but if i continue to live uncomfortably, then it might lead to my sanity being lost for good.
things are building up. i feel like before this time next year i’m going to be making even bigger changes in my life. who fucking knows. i just feel like i have to change again. to keep things interesting in my life. it’s my only option. i have to just keep looking until i find something. i’m not really looking for anything, though. maybe i’m being confusing. i don’t know. i just feel like i have a giant hole in my life. and the more i grow and change and move around this world the larger that hole seems to grow and the tougher it becomes to fill. maybe i’m beating this metaphor to death. and maybe it’s already been beaten to death by every other lost soul out there but whatever. i’m relating. i have to change. i have to grow, it’s the only thing that’s keeping my mind off the empty feeling in my gut. and the only thing that’s keeping me going is knowing that i have a few good people in my life who will always care for me no matter where my journey takes me.
at least i’ve got that going for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment